You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
