What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
