I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
