Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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