it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
