Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
