Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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