Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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