My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
