you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
