Swine flu. Run for my life!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
