Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
