I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
