rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i believe in u and ur pee
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
