If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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