I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize