I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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