Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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