Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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