so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
