if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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