he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
