I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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