Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
