This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
