My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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