Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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