please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
