i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
