Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize