I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
