Sponge bath it is.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
