I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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