Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
