I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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