No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
