the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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