don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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