I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Farmville is her only friend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she pinky promised me she was 18
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
