So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
