she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
