i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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