I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
