I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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