It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
