Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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