shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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