Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
