u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
