the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
