So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
