I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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