When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
