Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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