Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
