quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
