yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
