at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
