it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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