I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
