I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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