Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
