i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
