My nipple is on Facebook.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
